


The Beast

by Mayoki



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Bromance, Gen, Humour, Terrifying Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6375619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayoki/pseuds/Mayoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A monster has managed to infiltrate the palace and hide itself in Noctis's bathroom. Of course he turns to his bros for help and guidance in his time of need. Together they brainstorm calm, sensible approaches to dealing with the beast.</p><p>Fortunately Ignis steps in before they carry out their plan to burn down the palace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things That Go Bump in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from, but I wanted to participate since everyone seems to be sharing new FFXV fanworks! So I whipped this up. I regret nothing, but it is just a piece of insanity. ^^;
> 
> I had fun writing it anyway! Happy Easter and Happy Uncovered Event for four days time! We're so close! ;___;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because there is nothing worse than finding a hideous monster in your bathroom late at night.

'Aaaagghh!'

The scream pierced the still, silent night inside the palace. It was closely followed by the thud of running footsteps then the slamming of a bathroom door. Noctis leaned against it, panting heavily, as the terror of what he had just encountered set in. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, his heart raced in his chest, and he wondered if he should summon an armiger attack or whether an Archaen would be required.

As if on cue his door burst open.

'Noct! What's wrong?' Prompto asked, gun in his hand and eyes darting about the room as if searching for an intruder.

'You're not gonna believe this,' Noctis said, peeling himself away from the door. 'I don't know how it got in the palace without a guard or something seeing it. But look.'

Cautiously Prompto crept closer to his friend, gun still raised, and peered through the crack that Noctis opened up in the door.

For a moment Prompto squinted in the bright light of the white room, then he saw it.

'Oh Etro!' Prompto leaped back as Noctis slammed the door on the beast. 'You've been sleeping in your room with that thing in your bathroom?'

'Don't remind me,' Noctis moaned, stepping closer to his friend for protection. 'What do we do?'

'Well if I shoot it it'll make one hell of a mess,' Prompto mused. 'I don't think you should open the door again, though. What if it makes a rush and manages to escape? You don't want that thing loose inside the palace.'

'Hell no,' Noctis agreed. 'But I can't leave it in there forever.'

'Noct, I think you might have to,' Prompto said gravely. 'Just wait for it to die, then you can dispose of its corpse. I think it's the only way.'

'It's a bit dramatic, there must be some way of killing it.'

'Do you want to go in there and battle it in such a confined space? And they can walk on the freaking _ceiling_ , what if it leaps down and attacks you aerial style? You won't stand a chance. It's not worth the risk, Noct.'

Noctis chewed his lower lip thoughtfully as his bedroom door opened again.

'The hell are you two doing making so much noise this late at night?' Gladiolus asked. He stormed over wearing just a pair of pyjama bottoms and a dark look on his face. 'Some of us need our beauty sleep.'

'I know you do,' Prompto said deadpan, 'and we're sorry, but this is an emergency.'

'Seriously what took you so long? You're my bodyguard, I could have been being murdered,' Noctis pointed out.

'Do you know how many times you scream at night? If I came every time then I'd spend half my night wandering up and down the hall.'

'Not my fault I get nightmares,' Noctis said with a frown.

'Okay then, so what's the big emergency? Prom run out of Nutella?'

Noctis paused for dramatic effect. 'There's a creature in my bathroom.'

Gladiolus looked at him, then to the door, then back to the prince. 'I thought we'd got over boogeyman fears. There is nothing under your bed. There is nothing in your closet. Except that one time Prompto was hiding in there to scare you.'

'That was hilarious,' Prompto recalled. 'He nearly wet himself.'

'Yes thank you for contributing to my traumatic childhood,' Noctis snapped. 'I'm not talking about that, there is an actual honest to god living thing in there that wants to eat me. And I really need the bathroom.'

'It is probably bigger than Noctis, I've seen it,' Prompto confirmed.

'Most moths are bigger than Noctis,' Gladiolus grumbled. 'Come on, let's see this behemoth then.'

'No no no, don't open it!' both Noctis and Prompto urged.

'It will eat your soul!' Prompto insisted.

'I don't want to have to get another bodyguard, I've got you trained and everything,' Noctis said.

Gladiolus fixed them both with a look that clearly said they were crazy, then reached for the handle. Despite the collective gasps behind him he turned it. He was a soldier. A warrior. A royal bodyguard. But none of that prepared him for the hideous creature inside. 'Holy hell!' he yelped, and quickly pulled the door shut before it could rush him.

'Told you,' Prompto said. 'It'll probably be the downfall of Lucis, to be honest.'

'But my family has reigned for generations,' Noctis said sadly.

Prompto gently patted him on the shoulder. 'No Caelum has ever had to deal with something quite like this before.'

Gladiolus nodded. 'Yeah, I'm with Prom. Usually whatever he says is batshit crazy, but I think honestly your best bet is to just burn down the castle and rebuild it several miles away. It's the only way to be sure.'

'The _only_ way,' Prompto agreed, nodding sagely.

Gladiolus clapped his hands together. 'Well, I'll get the lighter fluid and matches.'

'No need, I'll use firaga,' Noctis said with a resigned sigh. 'I did like this castle though.'

'What the bloody hell are you doing, Highness?' Ignis asked, appearing at the bedroom doorway just as the flame spread from Noctis's fingertips.

'Burning down the palace,' Noctis said. 'You might want to get out while you still can.'

'We're already damned souls. What we've seen cannot be unseen,' Prompto said. 'We'll go down with the castle.'

Ignis blinked once. Twice. Pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. 'Highness, please put the fire away. I'm sure there is a more reasonable solution.'

'Fine, go for it,' Noctis said, retracting the flames. 'But we've already thought through every possibility.'

'I'm sure,' Ignis said in the tone of a man that wasn't reassured at all. He pushed past Prompto who was making the sign of Etro over his chest for protection, and stepped up to the bathroom door. When he looked over his shoulder he found all three men hiding behind the large four poster bed.

'We're here for moral support!' Prompto insisted. 'Just from a distance. And behind a magical barrier. Noct, quick, put up a magical barrier.'

Despite himself Ignis actually felt a trifle nervous as he turned the door handle. A bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck and his heart was fluttering in his chest. As he pushed open the door his emerald eyes quickly scanned the room, assessing the threat and preparing a course of action. It took him a long time to find the source of the problem, and when he did he felt a headache forming behind his temples. He pushed the door open fully, ignoring the cries for him to run for his life from behind him.

The beast noticed him and began to scurry away, running for the gap under the bath.

Ignis pursued his prey and in two short steps had caught up with it. He bent down and scooped up the spider in one hand, then strode through the bedroom, ignoring the way the other three literally jumped out of his way, and opened the bedroom window. He tossed the spider out and shut the window. Then turned to the three lunatics he called friends.

'Was that so hard?'

'I can't believe you _touched_ it,' Noctis said.

'I can't believe it didn't eat you,' Prompto said.

'That was what I was going to do next, if the fire didn't work,' Gladiolus insisted.

'I'm going back to bed. If anyone wakes me up again I'll be throwing _them_ out of the window.'

And with that Ignis turned on his heel and left.

For a moment nobody moved. Nobody spoke. Then Prompto whispered; 'Nobody wake him up, it won't be funny. I don't want to be chucked out there with the spider.'

'Me either,' Noctis said. And suddenly decided he didn't need the toilet after all, as the flushing might wake Ignis.

 


	2. Trap ALL the Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequels always up the ante. More danger. More peril. More spiders. The most useless spider hunters in history can't sleep after the events of the evening, so they set out to clear the castle of evil.
> 
> No spiders were harmed in the making of this fanfic, although several were rather confused as to wtf these dorks were trying to achieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sequel that nobody asked for! I just felt like a little continuation, so this happened. XD Hope you enjoy! ♥

'You know, I don't think this bed was really built for three people,' Noctis spoke into the darkness.

A rustle of fabric beside him told him that Prompto wasn't asleep either. 'I don't think this bed was built for three people when one of those people is Gladiolus. If we were with Iggy then we'd be fine.'

'Are you calling me fat?' Gladiolus asked.

'I would never call you fat,' Prompto said solemnly. 'I value my life far too much to do that.'

'Guys, if you're going to stay in here then seriously shut up. I need at least eighteen hours of sleep a day and you're not helping.'

'How can you sleep after what we've been through?' Prompto demanded.

The covers shifted again and a gap appeared that let the cold air in. Noctis _hated_  it when there was a gap for cold air. He grumpily pulled the covers close to his shoulders. 'You're asking me how I can sleep? Really? I managed to fall asleep on a rollercoaster once mid 360 loop.'

'I had to hold him into his seat,' Gladiolus said.

'But I mean what about the spider?' Prompto insisted.

The covers moved again, Noctis angrily snatched them back. Prompto was proving to be a serious cover hog. 'The spider is gone. Do they even survive falls like that? We're pretty far up. He's in spider heaven right now. So can I please go to sleep?'

'Perhaps we should check?' Gladiolus suggested. 'Just to make sure?'

'If you want to play soldier and do recon, be my guest. But I am sleeping,' Noctis said, firmly closing his eyes in the hopes it would block out Prompto's whimpering.

And Noctis was all set to drift off…until something brushed his leg.

'What the hell?!' Noctis shot up, drawing his legs to his chest and kicking back the covers. 'Please tell me that was one of you guys?'

'What was?' Prompto asked.

'Oh Etro, maybe it had friends? Like a spider family or something?' Noctis said. 'We need to check the palace out. Make sure there are no more spiders hiding around.'

'I thought you wanted to sleep?' Gladiolus said.

'Sleep can wait,' Noctis said dramatically. 'And when _I_ say that you know the situation is serious.'

'Do we need weapons?' Gladiolus asked, switching the bedroom light on as they all climbed out of bed.

Noctis shook his head. 'No. I've got a better idea.'

-

'So. How big _is_ this palace?' Prompto asked as they walked together in a tight huddle through the corridors. 'I mean in square metres what are we talking?'

'A lot,' Gladiolus said. 'Over there!'

'Eeek!' Prompto leaped back. 'This one's yours, Noct. I did the last one.'

'Did you actually say "eeeek"?' Noctis asked, shaking his head in disappointment.

'I believe I pronounced it with fewer "e"s, but otherwise yes. It was an eeek moment.'

Noctis grabbed a white porcelain cup from the trolley Gladiolus had been pushing and turned to face the wall. And surveyed the situation. For a long time.

'Noct? You awake there, buddy?'

'I'm working on it. It's pretty high up.'

'You can warp you know,' Gladiolus pointed out.

'I'm not warping anywhere near that thing.' Noctis's voice may have been a few octaves higher than usual. 'I'll do it in my own time.'

'That could be forever,' Prompto groaned.

'Yeah, and it might well be. The spider could die of old age. I have a longer life span.'

Gladiolus grunted. 'Stop being a wuss, Noct, I trained you better than this.'

'I don't see _you_ getting it,' Noctis said.

'I'm pushing the trolley.'

'He's got a point, it's not like he can catch spiders _and_ push it,' Prompto said sadly.

Noctis sighed and turned to the blond, brandishing the teacup rather threateningly. 'Prom, the trolley is perfectly capable of standing on its own. He could leave it and catch his own fair share of these bloody little-'

'Eeek!'

'Prom, seriously-'

'No, it's moving! Run!'

Noctis didn't need telling twice and hid behind the cup trolley as the spider scurried down the wall, pausing a foot from the skirting board.

'You could maybe flick it down?' Prompto stage whispered.

'I think he can hear you,' Gladiolus said, as the spider ran to the left.

'I think it's lost,' Noctis said as the spider switched direction and began hurrying back up the wall to the ceiling. 'Alright, I'll do it.'

Taking another deep, steadying breath Noctis ran forward, then stopped inches from the wall. He reached up and with the handle of the tea cup flicked the spider.

Prompto yelped and tripped over his feet in his efforts to get away from the spider. Noctis tracked it running along the carpet and with a couple of strides managed to catch up to it. Then the tea cup came down over it, trapping it in place.

'Hah!' Noctis gloated. 'Got it.'

'Nicely done, Noct. Nicely done,' Gladiolus said with a proud nod.

Prompto gave him a thumbs up from his position on his ass.

Noctis nodded. 'Good work team. We're really showing these freaks who's boss.'

Noctis tried desperately to stop the trembling of his hands and quieten his heart pounding against his ribs as he helped Prompto to his feet and they rattled off down the corridor in search of their next victim.

'That was much easier than the first one,' Prompto said as they turned the corner.

-

Ignis rose, as always, with the rising sun. His internal body clock was far more accurate than his phone so he reached over and turned off the alarm just as it began to buzz. He washed his face and hands, dressed, and set off out of his room. And gave pause for two reasons:

One was that all three of his friend's bedroom doors were open. Gladiolus he could understand and perhaps even Prompto if the blond had been out clubbing, but Noctis. Awake. At six in the morning. Highly unlikely.

The second thing that concerned him was the expensive tea cup overturned in the middle of the corridor.

There was a story behind this, he knew, so he gave it wide berth and started down the stairs to the lower floors of the palace. Service staff were bustling about, and several were gossiping about there being no cups to serve the morning teas and coffees, and that they had been placed all around the palace. With a heavy sigh Ignis began following the trail of white cups.

He found the three idiots staring at a cup in the music room. He joined them, watching the cup as if it might move. After a few moments of silence he could bear it no more and bent down to pick the cup up.

'Nooooooo!' all three men cried. Prompto even leaped on him to pull him back.

'Do I want to ask?' Ignis said, after detaching the hysterical gunner.

'There's a spider under there,' Noctis said simply, as if it were an everyday occurrence.

'Of course. And the other cups…?'

'More spiders,' Noctis said.

Ignis nodded. 'Fair enough. And they're under the cups because…?'

'They're thinking about what they've done,' Noctis said.

'Yes, quite,' Ignis said. What scared him most was the perfectly serious expression that Noctis wore. 'You're all mad, you know this?'

'The palace's spiders are trapped, so now I can sleep. That's all that I care about,' Noctis said.

'And in the mean time the supply of cups is littered about the floor,' Ignis said.

'Yes,' Noctis agreed. 'And?'

'I give up. I actually give up,' Ignis said. He turned on his heel and left them guarding the spider prisoners, and headed for the nearest Starbucks. Because damn did he need coffee.


End file.
